Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize