do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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