I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
