guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
