Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
