I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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