What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
