just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
