I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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