when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
