Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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