so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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