It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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