I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
