I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
