she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
