There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
