She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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