I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
