Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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