I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
