meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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