My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
