Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize