That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
