My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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