i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
