I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
