he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
