drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
