So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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