Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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