Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
