Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
