He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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