Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
