evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's never too late to be topless.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
