We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
