I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize