Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry about my life...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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