Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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