Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've blown a few things in my day
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
