I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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