She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
