You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
