Plan B is the new Plan A
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
