Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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