You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
