I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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