You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
