WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
