i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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