And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize