I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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