she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
