I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
