We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
