Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
