WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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