Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
