so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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