Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
