dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize