He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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