I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize