So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
