you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
