im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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