There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nutella sex= disaster
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
