u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
