Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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