sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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