the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
