please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
