plz talk dirty to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
