I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
