Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
