Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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